


I'm Completely Sirius, Are You?

by monumentalmarauder



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anxiety, Coming Out, Denial of Feelings, Drinking, F/M, First Kiss, First Meetings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Flustered Remus Lupin, Gay, Gay Remus Lupin, Gay Sirius Black, Insecurity, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Friendship, Marauders' Era, Minor James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Nervousness, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Self-Esteem Issues, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Sirius Black Lives, Social Anxiety, Virgin Remus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-06-22 16:01:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15585516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monumentalmarauder/pseuds/monumentalmarauder
Summary: A modern marauders AU FanFic about a flustered, socially awkward, anxious, and gay Remus Lupin trying to make his way through College while working next to Lily his roommate. A modern College/University Marauders era AU with some angsty Remus Lupin/Sirius Black action.“Rem I love you, I do but you need to come with me to a party. I’m going to hardcore mom you right now Rem. You need to do something to meet some people - trust me.” She glanced at Remus and gave him her signature - you have to listen to me I know what I’m talking about look - “I won’t even leave your side."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so Hello! This is my first time ever writing FanFiction, I really hope it doesn't suck as much as I feel it does. Please feel free to leave feedback, I'd really love to hear from the small amount of people who are going to read this, and hopefully improve as I continue to write this. You've probably seen this disclaimer a bunch, but regardless, here it is again: J.K. Rowling owns these characters, I'm not making money off them, I'm merely showing the love I have for her writing by borrowing them for this story. Thanks for reading :)

Remus was exhausted of working. It was nearing the end of his six-hour shift at the café, and he was - to put it lightly, having a long day. He worked at The Leaky Cauldron. It wasn’t exactly the finest of café joints in the university town. It used to be a sketchy pub, and to this day some of the old patrons still make their appearances. Even so, Remus was lucky to have a job at all, and he actually didn’t mind the characters as they made him feel less out of place. This Friday, Lily - Remus' best friend and roommate - has not stopped pestering him about getting out more. This time, it was to her boyfriend James’ supposed gettogether the next night. But because of his anxiety, Remus still felt like he stuck out like a sore thumb when in social situations. As much as he knows that Lily is looking out for him, he wasn’t in the mood to take that advice. He much preferred living vicariously through the exciting lives of characters in books.

“Rem I love you, I do but you need to come with me to a party. I’m going to hardcore mom you right now Rem. You need to do something to meet some people - trust me.” She glanced at Remus and gave him her signature - you have to listen to me I know what I’m talking about look - “I won’t even leave your side. James is throwing small party tomorrow night and I want you to be there Rems. It could be great for you. It might also be nice for you to do something other than reading into the late hours of the night and making coffee.” Lily insisted. “There's also the possibility that you’ll meet a cute boy. I know these people Rem. You'd like them. Contrary to your belief that fictional characters are better than real life people. I also know you haven’t told anyone but me that you’re gay, but this is college Rem, nobody would care. You deserve a chance to be happy.” 

“Lily, right now I just want to go home. I'll think about coming to the party - but right now nobody knows I’m gay. And my life is fine this way. Coming out is so stressful. I just don’t know if being happy is worth it.” Remus stated. He didn’t want to argue, but he knows that if he doesn’t say anything now, tomorrow he will end up going to James’ party. Right now, that’s the last thing Remus wanted. At the moment, Remus was finishing up the cleaning at the café, near the front of the café Lily was locking up the doors. Remus was very close to freedom, except that he did live with Lily. Which meant the constant pestering would be following him all the way home.

“Okay well I want you to know that I support you either way. But - I also think you’d like James’ best friend. He's exactly that brooding type with dark hair that I know you love.” Lily then winked at Remus, and at this point Remus was so exhausted that he almost doubled over in laughter. Lily’s laughing was contagious. She’s such a beautiful and kind person, this meant that when she was laughing, it was hard to control your own. Unfortunately for Remus, Lily’s not so subtle teasing of his type in guys, made his face flush a bright shade of pink. And the current colour of his face was a dead giveaway that she was spot on.

Luckily, Remus and Lily’s flat was only about a block and a half away from the Leaky Cauldron. This meant he wasn’t far from being able to collapse into bed. Where they lived it was well into Autumn. Autumn meant beautiful trees, pumpkin, and lots layers for Remus. But Autumn also meant very chilly weather, especially after 5 pm. Once he and Lily had put on their scarves and jackets they set foot outside and made their way home.  
_______________________________

Saturday

9:00 pm at night, At the door of James and Sirius’ Apartment.

“Well at least you had the decency to give me the illusion of a choice Lils.” Remus glanced to his left where Lily stood. “I legit can’t believe I’m here,” Remus rubbed his neck, “You are unbelievably convincing.”

“I know I’m just too charming to resist. It’s fine though Remus, they’re all going to love you, you have nothing to worry about.” Lily spoke softly as if to make sure whomever was on the other side of the door couldn’t hear them. It was the faint sound of music that made it obvious to Remus that nobody could actually hear them. “You could go in there and if the topic comes up you could casually say that you're gay. Like you’ve already been out, that way it’s not like you have to ‘come out’.” She raised her eyebrows. Lily did have a point, and in that moment, Remus thought that if he doesn’t feel too anxious, that he could stick to that plan.

Lily looked at him with a funny look that acknowledged his silence as an answer to her suggestion. She then raised her hand and knocked on the door. When the door opened, Remus almost gasped. Remus had never seen someone so perfect. The guy who opened the door had dark hair that came almost to his shoulders, perfect skin, and a crazy sexy smirk. Although Remus would never admit that he thought that. The guy at the door was 100% the guy Lily had mentioned that Remus would find cute. Because, hot damn. 

“Hey Lily,” The angelic specimen spoke then looked over at Remus, “You must be Remus – I’m Sirius It’s nice to meet you.” He held out his hand for a handshake, which was uncomfortable for Remus, as it meant touching the guy, but regardless he shook his hand.

“Um your name is Serious? You’re legit completely serious about that?” Remus was a little confused about what ‘Serious’ was going on about, or if the guy was joking around with him.

‘Serious’ raised his eyebrows at Remus “I’m completely serious, are you?” He chuckled “I’m sorry it’s like the star – my family is eccentric to say the least, it’s spelt S I R I U S,” Sirius smiled. “Lily let’s get your friend inside, he’s looking a little flushed.” He smirked, as a reaction to the look on Remus’ face. Which was completely embarrassed and had a not-so-subtle dark blush to his cheeks.

Well so far, this evening was off to an embarrassing start. Remus hadn’t even had an actual conversation and he was already blushing harder than he had in months.

“Feel free to sit on one of the couches or something, Peter and James are grabbing snacks. I'm gonna grab booze, and then we were thinking we could all play some drinking games.” Sirius looked way too satisfied with himself as he strode around the corner to go find his friends.

The apartment was large, and decently decorated. The way it was decorated made it quite obvious that three guys roomed there together. It wasn’t the neatest space – it was cluttered with various possessions. A record player stood in the corner next to a shelf of vinyl which looked to have been collected over a few years. There was one bookshelf next to the corner on the wall that had a few titles Remus recognized on it. He hoped that they were Sirius’. There was a flat screen on the adjacent wall. Two medium sized couches cornered off next to a square coffee table facing the tv. Lily and Remus tried their best to make themselves comfortable.

A few minutes later the boys walked into the room. “James!” Lily squealed and jumped up to kiss her boyfriend. The two of them were so happy, and Remus was happy for them. But he also felt jealous that she had a boyfriend. Remus was so insecure and awkward he felt like he would never get to experience those things for himself. Sirius, and the guy who must be Peter walked in behind James. Peter was shorter than both James and Sirius. He also looked less comfortable with a stranger around. Which made Remus feel better, as that meant he wasn’t the only person here who felt out of place.

“Okay guys I was thinking we could play some never have I ever, you know a classic drinking game. If you don’t know how to play...” Sirius glanced to Remus and smiled. “This is how: we take turns, and each say something we haven’t done. If anybody in the group has done that thing, then they have to take a shot.” He set down the bottle of gin that he was holding in his left hand on the table. Followed by the five shot glasses he was balancing in his right. Peter, James and Sirius sat down. It was clear to Remus they were about to start playing – which made him very nervous. He glanced to Lily who gave him a supportive look.

“Let’s do this thing guys.” James hollered.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So in this Chapter Remus finally meets the rest of the boys. Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me an extra morning guys, but I found someone to read over my chapters before I post them so that is super cool. If you haven't already read her Sirius/Remus fic that she just started I totally recommend doing it. Her user is localghostgirl.

Peter went first, which to Remus' surprise, did not end up working in his favour. 

"Um well I know you guys have all lost your virginity.” Oh, dear god. Remus cringed, as he did not expect this game to start off this badly. “So, I guess I’ll say, never have I ever lost my virginity." Peter raised his eyebrows in amusement. "This way you'll all end up drunk faster than me." Peter looked fairly satisfied with himself. But dread filled Remus' stomach as he actually hadn't lost his virginity to anyone. He was 18 and he hadn't even kissed anybody, wow did he feel pathetic right now. Remus cast a worried look over at Lily as James picked up the bottle and started pouring the shots.

There were a few good seconds of silence before Remus spoke up. 

"James wait..." Remus knew that him being a virgin was a little weird for a guy his age. He wondered how out of place now he'd feel at the end of the night. Remus looked down as he spoke. "I don't actually need one." 

Remus could see the looks of surprise not only in James and Sirius' faces but also Peters. He sure as hell wasn't feeling better about being a virgin right now. In that moment Remus hoped they didn't find out he hadn't kissed anyone. That would be another level of embarrassing.

"That's awesome, at least this way Pete won't have to be sober alone." James laughed, Peter and Sirius joined him. Remus was glad that they weren't questioning him. They could probably see his discomfort from his body language and knew not to pry. 

Sirius looked over to Remus and spoke "Okay Remus you're next – try to wow us more than Pete did." He smirked.

Remus hadn't really done anything with his life, so he had a lot of options. But he didn't want to say something that would be embarrassing not to have done. He knew how that would go from the last round. 

"Okay... never have I ever gone skinny dipping." Remus was feeling good about his answer right up until everyone else took a shot. "Seriously!? You've all swam naked?" Remus laughed uncomfortably and looked around. "Lily?" Lily smiled, "Well it just sounds like it wouldn't be fun, Sirius it's your turn anyways." Remus sighed.

Remus was almost certain that this night could not go wrong in any other way. But Remus actually felt not too out of place, which was remarkable for someone with his social issues. All Remus knew was that Sirius was the most attractive man he’d ever seen. He also knew that nothing would ever happen between them for many reasons. The main one being that Remus wasn’t out. Second on that list would be that Remus wasn’t even near good enough for Sirius. Remus had a weird shade of blond hair that never cooperated. He was also extremely lanky with almost no muscle. Remus was awkward when around people. He also had no romantic experience at all – which just made his people skills worse. And on top of all that he also had zero self-confidence. Remus rubbed his neck and looked over to Sirius who was about to speak. 

“Never have I ever… kissed a girl.” Sirius grinned as if he was sure he had everyone with that one. There was also a glimmer in Sirius' eye that made it look as if he was planning something. Remus started to panic as he knew he didn’t need a shot for this one either. Remus guessed that Sirius was gay, and this was why he’d never kissed a girl. Because he quite obviously has kissed many people. Anyone could tell that by looking at his beautiful face. Also, he just admitted to not being a virgin, so it was highly unlikely he hadn’t kissed anyone. 

Remus wasn’t ready.

He wasn’t ready for these people to know he’s gay. This is the first time Remus has met them. Admitting to something that huge, that fast, wasn’t how things worked for Remus. he needed to work up to big events. Quite frankly, Remus was pretty sure that every gay person had to work up to coming out. 

“I’ve never kissed anyone.” Remus blurted out so fast he didn’t know if it was audible, or comprehensive. He looked at Lily who smiled encouragingly at him. Not that any of Lily’s smiling was helping. Remus was feeling just a little defeated at the moment. He was meant to be making friends with these people. Instead he was probably driving him away by not having any friends. To Remus that made no sense, as if you needed friends to make friends, that’s a vicious cycle of lonely.

James shifted in his seat and began to speak, “Remus you know we aren’t judging you right? None of us care what you have and haven’t done. Lily just kept mentioning how awesome you are, and we really wanted to meet you.” He smiled. Both Peter and Sirius nodded simultaneously, agreeing with James while he spoke. “So far I think Lily is right, you seem like a really cool person.” He looked reassuringly at Remus.

After about another thirty minutes it was beginning to get late. Remus was also beginning to get tired of not having to take any shots. He then admitted to the group that he was ready to head out.

Remus did in fact have a test in his Experimental Psychology course on Monday. He probably shouldn’t procrastinate studying for it either. (Remus had a track record of procrastinating). The test was also on Freud. This was bad news for Remus as it meant he was already behind. Remus didn’t have an interest in the collective unconscious. Or whatever the hell his professor was always on about. 

After a few minutes, Remus and Lily had then said their goodbyes. As soon as the door shut behind them, Remus couldn’t help but whisper under his breath. “Sirius is super cute.” Remus then decided it would be appropriate to hastily start walking away from Lily. Remus felt she was going to start pestering him with questions (as was typical of Lily).

From behind him she feigned a gasp as she tried to keep up with Remus. As Lily was speaking – it was obviously she was trying not to lose her shit laughing. “I fucking knew it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading, If you have any feedback at all please leave it in the comments, I'd love to read it and try and improve (I know my writing isn't the absolute best it could be right now). Im going to try and post the next Chapter earlier than I did this was, I'm still in the middle of summer because I'm Canadian so I have until September until a whirlwind of homework starts. See you next time folks :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus is having a lot of trouble studying for his upcoming Midterm, Lily suggests that her friend could help him. Who could it possibly be? ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter isn't as long guys, it's also kind of a filler so I apologize. Hopefully, next week's will be longer. We will see.

Wednesday Night

Remus felt as if he was having an unnaturally long week. Which was peculiar considering he felt this way, way too often. Despite not having worked a lot this week, Remus still felt as if he had. He swore it must be all this stupid revising for his Psychology Midterm. Normally Remus didn’t make a habit of revising for anything, he was really lazy when it came to revising. It was bloody exhausting. Not to mention boring too. He just wanted to read a book a day for the rest of his life, while drinking tea and listening to Christmas music. Nobody he knew ever understood this feeling.

“I am not going to pass this test Lils.” Remus was exhausted. He had spent at least the last three hours trying his best to review for his midterm in his Psychology course but had horribly failed. He was getting nowhere. And as much as Lily was trying to help, she was taking courses that weren’t exactly relevant to the topic of Freud. Remus was lying on the floor of their living room, surrounded by studying material. “My test is in a week, and we work three out of seven days this week,” Remus sounded and looked as defeated as he felt. “I also have my Philosophy of Law course on tomorrow, which granted is more interesting than psych. But then again that also leaves even less time to study.” 

Lily was fidgeting with her pencil next to him. “Maybe index cards aren’t the answer?” She questioned. “You know what I think you need?” She pointed at Remus with her pencil. “Someone who has actually taken the class before, someone…” She paused and looked to Remus, “Who knows the material well, and I know just the guy.” Lily rolled over onto her back and took out her phone. “I’m going to text him right now and see if he can help you study tomorrow after your noon course.” She started typing on her phone but quickly added that Remus wasn’t allowed to argue.

Normally Remus would have argued, as he did not feel the best about this idea. It did involve meeting and interacting with yet another stranger – an activity Remus was not fond of. But Remus really didn’t have a choice if he wanted to ace this midterm, and he desperately needed to ace this midterm.

“Okay, well just let me know what he says.” Remus looked visibly tenser than five minutes before. He had always hated being put in social situations with new people. Lately it seemed like Lily’s favourite pastime was convincing Remus to do it anyways. “But can you specifically mention that it would be at our place? I’m just more comfortable here, plus that would mean no added stress of more people.” Remus did realize this meant he couldn’t escape when he felt overwhelmed. I mean he could leave – but he is almost certain that would be seen as extremely rude. And as much as Remus didn’t really care what people thought about him, he did actually really care. Regardless, studying in his apartment would mean that Lily would be close. Having Lily there, even if she wasn't studying too made him feel much less nervous about the situation.

“Of course, also,” Lily paused and sat up. “He says he’d love to, and he’ll be here at 2:30 tomorrow.” Lily looked really satisfied with herself, a little too satisfied for Remus’ comfort. He hoped that her current expression wasn’t a sign that she was scheming. For the moment Remus decided to ignore it in hope that there weren’t actually any schemes. Remus hoped that he was wrong about her expression just this once. He was giving Lily the benefit of the doubt.

_______________________________

Thursday

12:36 pm in the afternoon, Remus’ Philosophy of Law Classroom

Remus couldn’t help but keep glancing at his watch. He was beginning to feel nervous, and he wasn’t even halfway through his course. Remus was trying his best to take active notes. He was already behind in his Psych course. Remus had told himself that he was going to keep up with his other courses to try and lower his stress levels. But at the moment Remus couldn’t get his mind of who the hell Lily would have asked to help him study. How many people is Lily actually friends with that went to their school? God help him. 

The moment Remus makes it home to his apartment it’s already 2. He calls out for Lily, and to Remus’ dismay, there isn’t an answer. He texts Lily to ask where she is, he hopes that she makes it back in time for the person to arrive. But knowing Lily she probably left the apartment on purpose so that he would have to do this alone. Unfortunately for Remus, it was too late to back out now.

Remus waited for an agonizing twenty-five minutes. Remus was tidying, and obsessively checking that he had enough study material set out. He couldn't keep still, or he knew that he'd panic. After a few more minutes Remus heard a knock at the door. He runs to open it and as soon as he does, and Remus sees who is here to help him, something clicks in Remus’ brain. Of course, Lily would do this, and purposely leave him alone for this.

Sirius was leaning against his doorframe, with a shit eating grin on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed reading, once again if you have any suggestions please leave them in the comments. I'd love to read them. Thanks so much for spending the time to read my fic so far, I hope you guys stick around for more. :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus finally spends some time with Sirius.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Guys! Sorry that this chapter is a little bit late, I'm on a small vacation and I don't think I'll be able to post on time next week as well. Hopefully it won't be too late - I've just had trouble finding time alone to write and also to post this.

Remus would have said he was shocked to see Sirius, but he really wasn’t. After about two seconds the element of surprise was lost. He should have expected this from the obvious lack of information Lily failed to provide. What kind of friend doesn’t even tell you your somewhat tutors name before you meet them? Lily – because of her scheming.

“Hello Sirius.” Remus’ voice did not sound as neutral as he was hoping for. He sounded more disappointed. He hoped that Sirius wasn’t feeling unwelcome. But the fact that his study partner was the hottest guy Remus had ever seen wasn’t going to make this easier. Remus just hoped he wouldn’t feel self-conscious the entire time.

“How are you Remus? I haven’t seen you for five days, and what a long five days it’s been.” Remus could tell that Sirius wasn’t trying to hold his smile back. He kind of felt like Sirius was flirting with him, but he wasn’t one to flirt so he was probably misreading the situation.

“Well welcome,” Remus gestured for Sirius to enter his apartment. “Make yourself at home.”

Sirius’ smile faded off his face, it seemed as if he finally understood that Remus wasn’t as excited to see Sirius as Sirius seemed to see him. “So, you need help studying for your Experimental Psychology Midterm huh?” Sirius set his bag down next to where Remus had laid his studying material on the coffee table. “Look I don’t want this to be awkward, are you okay with me being here? Obviously, Lily didn’t tell you it was me, you look pretty disappointed.” Remus could hear the sadness in Sirius’ voice, and he wasn’t about to kick him out.

“No, she didn’t tell me it was you, but I don’t mind.” Remus paused to think. “To be honest, I think I’m just a little nervous.” As soon as the words excited Remus’ mouth, he knew that he must have said something Sirius liked, because once again – Sirius was grinning like a madman.

Seven Hours Later

Music drifted loudly throughout Remus’ apartment. Him and Sirius had really lost track of time. They’d been revising for hours. Remus knew that it wasn’t the most productive study session ever, considering probably at least one third of the time had just been him and Sirius joking around. Remus couldn’t believe how fast time went by when he spent it with Sirius. He certainly wasn’t expecting to be as comfortable around Sirius alone, but that was the case. Sure, Remus had occasionally looked over at Sirius, and seen his beautiful hair. Or “accidentally” smelled Sirius’ wonderful sweet and oceany scent. It was hard to feel good about yourself when you’re spending time with someone that’s beautiful, smells good, is witty, and also a kickass studying partner (apart from the joking of course).

In this moment Remus feels content. He may still be stressed but studying with Sirius has helped him relax. He’s had more fun with Sirius in one day than he’s had in a long time. And despite feeling self-conscious, he still felt comfortable. Remus didn’t know how to explain it exactly. He just knew that he really wanted to spend more time with Sirius, and he didn’t know how to do that. Remus hopes that maybe Sirius will ask him to do something again. He doesn’t know if he could quite find the courage. Earlier he and Sirius exchanged phone numbers, and that gave Remus hope that he’d hear from Sirius. He doesn’t even remember what sparked it – but he’s glad that it happened.

After a minute Remus realizes he’s spaced out a little. He’s just been staring at Sirius for longer than normal, Remus quickly averts his eyes.

“So, tell me Remus – now that we’ve studied for a solid while I think we deserve a break, and I’d like to know what your favourite movie is,” Sirius smiles and sits up, obviously waiting for an answer.

“Now that you’re asking I’m having a hard time thinking of any movies at all.” Remus chuckled and rubbed his neck while he thought about his favourite movies. Bridget Jones’ Diary, but that was too embarrassing to admit this early. He also really loved Sixteen Candles. God, if someone only knew Remus’ favourite movies and nothing about him they’d think he was a teenage girl. After another moment of thought, Remus knew his answer. “Good Will Hunting,” Remus paused “What about you, what’s your favourite movie Sirius?”

Sirius flat out looks at Remus, smiles and says “Bridget Jones.” Remus loses his shit laughing. Of course it is. Sirius lightly smacks his Remus’ shoulder. “Hey! Don’t laugh at me! I’m a sucker for romantic comedies, and Christmas movies.” 

Remus looks at Sirius who is shaking his head. “Don’t be too embarrassed, I also have a soft spot for Bridget Jones.” Remus is really smitten with this guy. After last time he met Sirius, he does know that he is gay. That gives Remus a little more hope. But he still doesn’t see how someone as wonderful as Sirius could ever be attracted to him.

“Remus?” Remus looks up at Sirius. “You have really nice hair, it looks soft.” Sirius scoots closer to Remus and leans towards him, Sirius then softly runs a hand through Remus’ hair. Remus’ breath hitches. “Remus, you’ve got to relax, I’m just saying you have nice hair.” Sirius leans back. 

“I prefer your hair,” Remus avoids looking Sirius in the eye. “It’s unique.” Sirius laughs at that.

“Well thankyou Rem.” Sirius sighed. “I think I’m just too lazy to get it cut again, it’s getting a bit long.” Sirius looks to Remus. “I stand my ground though – your hair is in fact really soft.” Remus can’t help but blush at that. Sirius is just being really sweet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm also sorry this doesn't have as much of an ~end~ that my chapters normally do. I hope in the next chapter that won't be a problem. I hope that you guys enjoyed this. Till next time folks!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus is frustrated. With a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I am genuinely sorry for how long it has taken me to update this story. I have been so busy with school work right now, It's my last year and I really need to focus on my grades without distractions. Despite school being important, I am aware that I should try and continue updating regularly. I can't promise that I will get to this every week, but I will try my best to update semi-regularly. I hope you enjoy this chapter, let me know if you have any notes as I haven't written in a while and would appreciate the feedback! See you next time folks. (Also I had some italics in this that got removed in formatting and I'm too lazy to put them back sorry!)

It had only been 20 minutes after Sirius left Remus’ apartment until Remus started to freak out. Remus felt like he was 15 again; he was giddy and felt mushy. Mushy. Remus has never felt mushy before this day. How dare Sirius make him feel mushy, it was humiliating. If this is what it’s like when you actually really like somebody, then Remus finally understood. Incidentally, Remus was also pissed at himself. He didn’t have the time, or a heart strong enough to make it through a crush this life ruining. 

The only solution that Remus could think of was trying his goddamned best to ignore the crap out of his infatuation with Sirius. Lily is going to end up doing her very best to get him to face his feelings. But if he could do anything to ignore her as well as his feelings at the same time effectively - he would be doing just that. 

3 hours later Remus was halfway through reading his latest book. The book was good and had some good romance elements to it (Remus loved some good romance, but he would never admit it out loud). When the lock in the apartment door clicked and Lily walked in two paper bags filled with groceries. Remus quickly set his bookmark on his page, closed his book, and got up to help her with the bags.

“Thanks Remus, but you do know I can carry the bags by myself.” An apple fell out of one. A block of cheese out of the other. “Okay fine, you can take this one,” She tried to gesture with her head to the left bag and failed. “And pick those up please.” Remus let out a chuckle and followed her request.

“How was your day feverishly avoiding our apartment to leave me alone with the most attractive guy I’ve ever met." Remus continued in a very sarcastic tone, "Like I actually had a chance with him.” As much as Remus did enjoy himself, he couldn’t just let Lily get away with all these devious schemes.

Lily visibly rolled her eyes. “You know that you do actually have a chance, right? Sirius isn’t the type to study for hours, for a class he’s already taken, with someone he’s only met once and doesn’t like.” Remus rolled his eyes as he started putting the groceries away in the fridge and cupboards. 

That night Remus fell asleep with thoughts of Sirius on his mind. Little did he know then, but this would become quite the common occurrence.

_____________________________________________________________________________

The Next week, Friday, 10 pm

Remus was in his living room, Lily on his left, and he was attempting to read. After Remus aced his midterm he so begrudgingly thought he’d fail, Remus felt as if something in his life was missing. Clearly, it was academics, as his life at university didn’t currently consist of a rigorous studying regime. He should reconsider his current studying regime – but regardless Remus’ life felt a little empty. To tell the truth, Remus missed Sirius, whom he hadn’t seen since their revision marathon last week. His brain currently consisted of what Remus considered to be an abnormal amount of sexually frustrated thoughts about Sirius. 

Remus was also just regularly frustrated about being sexually frustrated. Remus wasn’t really someone to get caught up in that area of life. As Remus has previously stated many times, he prefers to live vicariously through the lives of book characters. The occasional movie character was also welcome. Okay – more than the occasional movie character, Remus watched a lot more programming than he’d care to admit. And despite his hundreds of vicarious lives, Remus had failed to have any sexual adventures of his own. God Remus hated the way that sounds, could he make this situation any worse? Yes, he most certainly could. Remus was also feeling frustrated that he hadn't managed to ignore his feelings for Sirius. This was becoming a persistent problem.

Remus felt rightful in his insecurity. He was 19 for god’s sake, and he’s never kissed anyone. He feels like he is very behind on some essential components of the sex-thing. Remus felt like he wasn’t even experienced enough to be sexually frustrated. How is it possible that someone with no sexual experience could feel a void for something they’ve never experienced? Why did Sirius have to show up and be so fucking hot? Remus’ situation was less than ideal.

To be quite frank, Remus didn’t masturbate that often – it just never really felt right, he always felt guilty. For what you ask? Well Remus didn’t exactly have an answer for that question. Remus really needed some answers right about now.

“Lily?” She turned her head and raised her eyebrows at Remus.

“Yeah Rems?” It was clear from Lily’s tone she was genuinely concerned about Remus. Remus obviously wasn’t sure of his exact expression, but gauging from Lily’s reaction - he looked genuinely frustrated. That was a depressing thought. Wait until she hears this one.

He decided not to drag it out any longer. 

“Have you ever felt so sexually frustrated you could cry. But you don’t know how you could possibly feel that way as you have no experience? And all your thoughts about it are crushing you at once?” Remus avoided eye contact. Lily let out a chuckle.

“Yes, I’ve felt sexually frustrated before Rem’s, hasn’t everyone? It’s okay to feel that way you know, I can only imagine-” Lily sighed and sat up straighter before continuing. “-you’ve made it quite far without actually experiencing that with another person.” A smile grew on her face. “And that’s why I think Sirius is so good for you, you could experience that stuff with him Rem’s. You should tell him your gay you know, I can tell by the way he looks at you.” She paused with a guilty look on her face and continued. “Alsoo, James may have told me that Sirius thinks your beautiful and wants to marry you and make sweet sweet love to you, so you can’t deny it anymore.” 

Remus felt dumbfounded. He really did like Sirius, I mean that all this was originating from. Also, to be blunt, Remus was not exactly against Sirius making sweet sweet love to him.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this isn't the longest beginning to a story ever, but regardless of the short length I hope its a good enough start! I'll probably try to update this minimum once a week, maybe more if I have time. If you have any ideas for what should happen next in the story please leave suggestions, I'd love to read them. Until next time folks! :)


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